Feb 21, 2010
i wonder how you are? how exactly has your life changed? i understand how much it would have changed, no doubt, but the small things? i dont even know what the small things would be. i dont know if this place has helped me move on, rather than bring me back. people see my scars and then ask questions... im not going to deny it. as ashamed as i am, as much as i wish it never happened and as much as i dont want to tell people... im not going to hide it, like it never happened. but people do ask, and i cant move on. its my fault, but i never meant for it to happen. i just want to move on and be a normal person again. i dont want to have those nights where i cry myself to self anymore. and even saying that, im being selfish and hate myself because i ended up fine. all i have are scars and questions. i remember thinking 'oh my god, im going to die' and i remember your face. i remember your face. i remember trying to get out of the car to see if you were alright, but she wouldnt let me. she wouldnt fucking let me. sometimes i wish i did get out, because then i wouldnt have been able to walk either, and then maybe i wouldnt hate myself so much for hurting you so bad. but thats being selfish again. i just with you were ok, and i was the one who got hurt. but im not and you are, and i dont know how to deal with this. at all. im so fucking sorry.